Jonathan Antin of Beverly Hills Cuts My Hair -- There, I Said It!

Only the best barbers should be allowed near your hair. Mike Doe used to get $8 hair cuts and his head paid the price. Now he's bumped himself up to $14 cuts. Much nicer!

I Love New York...but I Love My IQ Even More
EXCLUSIVE: Midget Mac of I Love New York Credits 3rd Leg
No More Midget Mac Posts, Mike Doe Hereby Promises...May Lightning Strike and Burn Me Crispier than Crisply Burnt Toast If I Break This Solemn Vow!!!!!
This Is Mike Doe's Head, Without the Body Attached

Mike Doe Quits Barber College, Starts Twittering

Some great Twitter news: Mike Doe is already cracking jokes at http://twitter.com/mikedoe.

For Wannabe Bartenders, There's Always Barber College

I am a big proponent of higher education. That's whyI encouraged my friend South Philly Phil to get his GED and my friend Mike Doe to go to bartending school.

This, too, is why I am encouraging prospective barbers: there's always barber college. After all, if you're going to mess with a man's feathered do, you'd better bring your A-game. Otherwise, your throat just might get ripped out.

Hair Spray is Critical to Bouncers

Bouncers need hairspray even more than the customers. A poorly groomed bouncer is a poorly-performing bouncer. And without some first-rate hairspray, grooming inevitably goes to hell in a handbasket. Just ask Red Butler.

More on Morgan's Lack of Temperament for the Trade

Morgan failed the number one rule of bouncing: Be nice. He had a nasty disposition and was always trying to settle problems with his fists...inside the bar! Major no-no's in the bouncing profession.

Morgan Flunked Out of Barber College

Wow, one of the readers of There's Always Barber College informs me that Morgan did indeed flunk out of barber college! More news on this tomorrow, as it comes in!

Not All Bad Employees Should Attend Barber College

This disclaimer should not really be necessary, but my lawyer advises me that it is always better to be safe than sorry. (Bad advice everywhere else, but good advice when it comes to the legal system.) So here it is: when you fire someone, do not ALWAYS advise them to go to barber college. Some bad employees have really unsteady hands, and are unethical to boot, and cannot be trusted with scissors in their hands.

Morgan Is a Doofus, and Not a Good Barber

Strangely enough, Morgan did in fact become a barber, a bad one, but a barber nonetheless. He got his barber's license at barber college, but he never did get a chance to cut an actual head of hair outside of a few mannequins, before I had to eliminate him. This is probably lucky for the residents of Jasper because it's well known that Morgan had the shakes from years of alcohol abuse.

There's Always Barber College

Whenever you fire some dude who doesn't have the right temperament for the trade, be sure to remind him: "There's always barber college."

This will help make him less enraged AND less likely to threaten your life.

Usually.